I refuse to get angry anymore. I have been let down, disappointed, frustrated and disgusted in my expectations of others; and no doubt, others have been let down, disappointed, frustrated and disgusted with me, as well; I know I have felt all those things and then some about myself, from time to time. However, rarely do the aforementioned instil confidence and self-worth.

At one point in my life, over a long period of time, I was drawn to tame those unpleasant emotions in myself and others; much like a lion tamer, so to speak. As with anyone, the formative years and parental influences hard-wire a child’s mind in such a way that, as an adult, it predetermines their unconscious first response to a situation; which is a combination of react-respond. All too often though, there is too much react and not enough respond. This is caused by two things: lack of awareness, and not enough reflection.

I say lack of awareness, because until you become consciously aware you are only unconsciously aware. Being unconsciously aware is the ability to recognize the faults of others and make no bones about it. Being consciously aware is the ability to recognize your own faults as well, and the ability to respond appropriately to both. However, simply becoming aware of your own faults is not enough; only through reflection will you begin to understand why simple awareness only leads to a cycle of excuses.

Excuses are like gift cards: there is one for every occasion, though most are not as well received. The semi-consciously aware individual who relies on the originality of an excuse for greater understanding from others will soon find the cup is already full. Sometimes just learning how to say no, firmly and respectfully can eliminate the need for most excuses. To learn how to say no correctly and without guilt, you first have to set boundaries for yourself.

To be able to set boundaries for yourself you must first learn to respect yourself; until you can truly respect yourself you can never truly respect others. There are the basic moral boundaries, boundaries we set for the individuals with whom we do business, boundaries we set for our family and friends, pets, etc. The effectiveness of these boundaries is based on how realistic they are, and how effective we are at conveying them.

In order to convey anything we must first learn how to communicate. Being able to talk is only half of the ability to communicate, and the smaller half at that. Learning how to listen, rather than just hear, is the secret to effective communication. Perhaps this is why we were given two ears and only one mouth. Listening with the intent to truly understand, and not automatically jumping to criticisms, quick fixes or one-ups, to what is being said will go a long way to improved communication and relationships; personal or otherwise.

In situations where feelings of being let down, disappointed, frustrated, disgusted or other uncomfortable situations that may arise, try treating them like traffic signs along the road; little indicators of impending obstacles up ahead that may cause you some kind of trouble or setback if ignored. Becoming aware of how to read these internal warning signs will give you much greater control over their frequency and your ability to effectively deal with the ones that do pop up. Better decisions, better results.

If you have a particular topic you would like to hear a fresh perspective on, write to me: larry@deeponpurpose.com. I welcome your comments and feedback.

This month’s article was inspired by Kt – C.P.